On this page I can finally share my personal relationship with my kids
Everyone asks me if I have any kids.
I have three adult kids, Erica, Gredel, and Damien! Unequivocally, I can honestly say, I love them. However, if you were to ask me if I like them, my answer would be sometimes. LOL! I can’t speak for their feelings, although they have the right to like or dislike me. As for my relationship with my kids today. I would have to say, for the most part, they keep their distance. However, when my wife and I separated in the early days, I was a weekend Dad. Therefore, throughout my relationship with my kids was a rent-a-kid for the weekends. Unfortunately, it was always difficult to establish a long-lasting bond under those conditions, as it was always given to their daily living with their mother. And because they would never want to hear the truth, or feel the need to know my side of why their mother and I separated. Their opinion of me becomes one-sided, leaning towards their mother. And over the years, I have accepted that. However, now on my website, I can finally feel free to tell the truth about why their mother and I separated, without my kids trying to shut me down. Firstly, I was never in love with their mother, and I don’t hate her, though when I try to explain or share my side of the story, they don’t like what they hear and assume I hate her, especially my daughter Erica. They behave this way because, in their words, "Dad, that was the past," and I should let it go." Yet! Like hypocrites, they can talk badly about their mother when they're upset. And put Dad on check whenever I try to share my truth about my experiences with their mother. WOW! Cool kids! LOL. Sadly, this behavior of “not knowing the truth’ came with ignorance, leading them to judge me without any real facts, as they always felt the need to put me on check. Cute kids! LOL!
As I mentioned, I was never in love with their mother. We were very young, and I was in my days of exploring sex and making out with anyone who liked me. And when I had made it with all the girls in my town. I came to the point where Ofelia was the only one left. And the reason why I avoided her for so long was the fact that I did not find her attractive, and because I was fooling around with her best friend, Dee Dee. And even though Dee Dee and I were not dating, I didn’t want to lose that connection if I were to make out with Dee Dee’s best friend, Ofelia. However, when Dee Dee was with another guy at the same party where I was. And seeing Ofelia all alone, I approached her, and one thing led to another, and with that, Ofelia became my go-to whenever I was feeling in the mood. And we remain together not because we were in love (speaking for myself) it was a sexual convenience for me. And after a year or so, she got pregnant, and I was always taught to be a man and be responsible. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened, we were not compatible and we did not get along on anything. And our relationship living together was based on daily fights and being kicked out of the house every month. It was around this time, when we had Erica and Gredel, that I started to fool around with other women. BTW! Whenever I was approached for doing this, I never denied or fought back at their complaints against me. And our relationship finally ended when Ofelia started going out weekly with her sister, and eventually, after a couple of months, Ofelia confessed to me that she was in love with Dan. When she told me this, I was the happiest man on earth, because I now felt I was free from the guilt of living with a woman I didn’t love. And after a week of confessing her love for Dan, Ofelia and her mother decided to kick me out of the house, and I never went back. And this is the truth my kids refuse to hear and don’t know about their Dad’s relationship with their mother. It was sad because my relationship with their mother was never based on any emotional support, trust, or love. Looking back, I can clearly see that regret, guilt, and no common interests were a huge detriment in our relationship. And their mothers lies, like denying the letter ever happened, and lying to Dan that she was having sex with me while she was married to Dan, living in South Gate, and forging my signature on the divorce papers to marry Dan. Also, my marriage to Ofelia, though legal, I was forced to marry her. One day, when I wanted to go back home after being kicked out of the house, to live with my kids. She created an ultimatum. And that was to legally marry her, if I wanted to live with my kids, a story my kids don't know and refuse to hear. And that was the truth and not hate, as I was never in love with her.
Unfortunately, my relationship with my son was always defeated by his love for his mother over me. In this case, Ofelia imprinted the idea that I always denied Damien as my son. This was a lie, as she initiated this twisted story to make me out to be the fall guy to all my kids, and it worked. All my kids now feel sorry for poor Damien that his father would deny him. And unfortunately, Damien loved being the victim of that lie, as he had the support of his entire family. And the truth of the matter was the contrary. I never denied Damien, although I did question a letter that was sent to me from Ofelia, which to this very day she denies. Here is the truth, which my kids refuse to hear. When Ofelia and her mother kicked me out, it was because Ofelia was madly in love with Dan and had been seeing Dan for several months before they removed me. And when Ofelia was 4 to 6 months pregnant, and had broken up with Dan. She sent me a very emotional letter. And in this letter, she said she wasn't sure who the father was and was praying every night that I was the one. My immediate thought was filled with happiness because she said it was going to be a boy. And when the baby was born, with dark skin, she was happy that her prayers were answered. And I fully accepted Damien as my biological son. Shortly after that, Ophelia made up with Dan, and they got married, which made me happy. However, when I would revisit the letter where she said she was crying, exclaiming, “I’m not sure if you are the father.” That’s when I wondered who the other guy was. I just assumed it was Dan, as she never gave a name. And because I questioned who the other guy was? She blew up in furious rage and accused me of denying Damien as my son. And that’s how it all began, and I’ve been accused by Ofelia's entire family for that. And my Kids now think the worst of me that I would dare to deny their brother, and to this day, they believe their mother over their dad. And unlike fathers who would deny their kids and even go as far as to give up their legal rights (termination of parental rights), or even think about doing such a horrific act, I did not. And to this very day, Ofelia refuses to reveal who the other guy in question is, and she denies ever writing that letter to me. To this day, I do not know who that other guy is. With all that said, I strongly believe my kids did not understand that their stepdad was around before I was kicked out of the house. And over the years, when I thought this subject was put to rest. Damien called me one day with his mother beside him. And now armed with a document of a family tree report, he and his mother felt compelled to prove I was Damien’s father, sharing the results. They based this on the connection to my Portuguese nationality in their report. Funny, because this whole time, Ofelia never believed that I was Portuguese, and she would call me a liar. Nevertheless, this report not only proves my point that Ofeia had her doubts, but it also hurt me when Damien, with his proud mother, with her son by her side, to put his father on check, only to hurt me. What adorable kids. LOL! And then there was the time after many arguments with Ofelia, when I wanted her to let Damien live with me, which she also refused. One day, finally, when she could not control Damien in his wild days, who would regularly leave home to hang out with his skateboard friends, sometimes for days. That's when she finally gave him up to me. She did this without giving me any warning when she dropped him off at my home. Finally, I was so happy to have my son, and I even helped sew all his pants by hand to match the skateboard look to impress his friends, so he could go out for that weekend. Unfortunately, he went out, and that was the last I heard from him until many years later, when I got news he was living in the city of Hemet, married with 4 of his biological kids. Surprisingly. I found out his whereabouts through his sister Erica. And when I asked about why she thinks Damien left me, she replied, "He said he didn't want to be a burden," which was a lie to make him look good. Yet, he was willing to burden all his friends in supporting him and his skateboard. And when I got the chance to ask him why he left me, his reply was different from his sister's, which was "I got tired of eating hot dogs". And again, if this was the case, then why would he leave his mother for days where he got fed at his mother's with three meals a day and shelter? Did he also feel he was being burdened by her? And ever since he ran away from living with me, and in his later years, when he had his kids and needed a place to stay. He would refuse all my offers to live with me in the city of Hemet and in Trona. No! Instead, he used everybody’s temporary help from his mother, his wife, his girlfriends, and now his sister. And then he even hurt me when he said he was willing to go to a homeless shelter with his kids. This meant he would rather live at a homeless shelter than with his father. WOW! BTW! The reason he jumped around from place to place was that he could never keep a steady income to support a sustainable and or suitable place they could call home. And yet he proudly credits himself for keeping his kids when he could never give them any real security. I love my son, but when he chooses to make decisions like living with his mother, friends, or girlfriends over me. Especially when his mother kicked him and his kids out of her house on Christmas day, it confuses me. And there was the time their mother abandoned all three of our kids in the city of South Gate to live with her husband in Paris Lake. Just to note, that was just a couple of incidents of many other scenarios throughout their years. I would never do that. And yet my kids continue to hate me, dislike me, as their distance to avoid me proves that. It’s funny! The one day to honor your mother and father. And in my case, that would be Father's Day; I never get that call. Yet their mother does. Cute kids! LOL! And my last phone conversation with my son was met with disrespect. Note, one day he called me; I did not call him, which I was happy to hear from him, but instead of the usual idle conversation. He felt the need to attack me with his biased politics, which merged into challenging me in every other subject. Until he felt he was the better man, when he gave himself credit to say, "Let's agree to disagree" LOL! To this day, I still don't understand why he felt the need to call me to attack me. And when I told his sister what's going on, I got attacked again by her. She defended her brother's side without giving me the benefit of the doubt. And to this very day, his still upset with me for not going to his graduation when his mother threatened me if I were to attend. And what gets me upset is when I explained that, I was in jail for tickets that went warrant. He only heard what he wanted and blamed me for not being there for him. In other words, no matter what, I would say it was never going to remove what was already imprinted in his head that I never loved him. And he continues to dwell on being the victim of a fatherless child. And he even blamed me for his last name, which his mother gave him. I had nothing to do with that. She knew my real name, yet she insisted on giving him my pseudo name. LOL! What a joke. Now he goes around proudly using his mother’s maiden name, which he never legally changed. And he brags about his brown skin with his mother’s maiden name. Funny Kid. But what really hurts me is that he easily dismisses all the times we spent together when he was a kid. And the time I took him to get baptized when he was dealing with his depression. Damien has always been a loner, and now his all grown up and lives his life his way. And in conclusion, I'm 75 years old and on my way out. And I can honestly say, I never physically abused my kids, or harmed them in any way, or betrayed them, or ignored them when they would call me. I did my part as a father, even though in their eyes, I might not meet their fantasy of a father to their satisfaction. And because of that, I truly believe in their fantasy world of what they wanted from a father was impossible in a dysfunctional family like ours. They wanted me to give all my attention to them, while they did not. My kids, to this day, have never given me their time, as evidenced by their distance and dislike of me and their behavior towards me. Unfortunately, it was inevitable that my kids were always going to be Ofelia's kids and not mine. It seems that they were never meant to be my kids, as their behavior over the years proves that. They never honor their father. And yet, I gave and did my part, and in Damien's case, he never did anything for me, as he does for his mother. And his mother had done more harm to him and his kids, which I could never do. And this is why I'm sharing my side. Not only to vent but to release what I was always shut down by my so-called loving kids.