On this page I can finally share my personal relationship with my kids
Everyone asks me if I have any kids.
I have three adult kids, Erica, Gredel, and Damien! Unequivocally, I can honestly say, I love them. However, if you were to ask me whether I like them, my answer would be 'sometimes'. LOL! I can’t speak for their feelings, although they have the right to like or dislike me. As for my relationship with my kids today. I would have to say, for the most part, they keep their distance. However, when my wife and I separated in the early days, I was a weekend Dad. Therefore, throughout my relationship with my kids, it always felt like rent-a-kid for the weekends. Unfortunately, it was always difficult to establish a long-lasting bond under those conditions, as they were always given to their daily living with their mother. And because they would never want to hear the truth, or feel the need to know my side of why their mother and I separated. Their opinion of me becomes one-sided, leaning towards their mother. And over the years, I have accepted that. However, now on my website, I can finally feel free to tell the truth about why their mother and I separated, without my kids trying to shut me down. Firstly, I was never in love with their mother, and I don’t hate her, though when I try to explain or share my side of the story, they don’t like what they hear and assume I hate her, especially my daughter Erica. They behave this way because, in their words, "Dad, that was the past, and I should let it go." Yet! Like hypocrites, they can talk badly about their mother when they're upset. And put Dad on check whenever I try to share my truth about my experiences with their mother. WOW! Cool kids! LOL. Sadly, this behaviour of ignorance, of not knowing the truth, led them to judge me without any real facts, as they always felt the need to put me on check. Cute kids! LOL!
As I mentioned, I was never in love with their mother. We were very young, and I was in my days of exploring sex and making out with anyone who liked me. And when I had made it with all the girls in my town. I came to the point where Ofelia was the only one left. And the reason I avoided her for so long was that I did not find her attractive, and because I was fooling around with her best friend, Dee Dee. And even though Dee Dee and I were not dating, I didn’t want to lose that connection if I were to make out with Dee Dee’s best friend, Ofelia. However, when Dee Dee was with another guy at the same party I was at. And seeing Ofelia all alone, I approached her, and one thing led to another, and with that, Ofelia became my go-to whenever I was feeling in the mood. And we remain together not because we were in love (speaking for myself) it was a sexual convenience for me. And after a year or so, she got pregnant, and I was always taught to be a man and be responsible. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened, we were not compatible, and we did not get along with anything. And our relationship living together was based on weekly fights and being kicked out of the house every month. It was around this time, when we had Erica and Gredel, that I started to fool around with other women. BTW! Whenever I was approached for doing this, I never denied or fought back at their complaints against me. And because of this, Ofelia started going out with her sister once a week. Eventually, after a couple of months, Ofelia confessed to me that she was in love with Dan. When she told me this, I was the happiest man on earth, because I now felt free from the guilt of living with a woman I didn’t love. And after a week of confessing her love for Dan, Ofelia and her mother decided to kick me out of the house, and I never went back. And this is the truth my kids refuse to hear and don’t know about their Dad’s relationship with their mother. It was sad because my relationship with their mother was never based on any emotional support, trust, or love. Looking back, I can clearly see that regret, guilt, and a lack of shared interests were a massive detriment to our relationship. And then there were Ofelia's countless lies to our kids. For instance, she denied ever writing a letter to me in which she confessed her concerns about who might be Damien's real father, and she still denies this letter to this day. When she was married to Dan, she lied again, claiming that she was having an affair with me while living in South Gate. She even forged my signature on the divorce papers to marry Dan. Additionally, my marriage to Ofelia was, although legal, forced. One day, in the earlier part of our relationship, when I was kicked out of the house and wanted to return home, she presented me with an ultimatum: I had to legally marry her if I wanted to live with my kids. This is a story my kids are unaware of and refuse to listen to. From the very beginning, she lied when she said she was a virgin when we met. What a joke! Despite all of this, I understood who she really was better than my kids ever would, which completely deterred any emotional interest. And no, I never hated her, I just didn't like her.
Unfortunately, my relationship with my son was always defeated by his love for his mother over me. In this case, Ofelia imprinted the idea that I always denied Damien as my son. This was a lie, as she initiated this twisted story to make me out to be the fall guy to all my kids, and it worked. All my kids now feel sorry for poor Damien that his father would deny him. And unfortunately, Damien loved being the victim of that lie, as he had the support of his entire family. And the truth of the matter was the contrary. I never denied Damien, although I did question a letter that Ofelia sent me, which she denies to this day. Here is the truth, which my kids refuse to hear. When Ofelia and her mother kicked me out, it was because Ofelia was madly in love with Dan and had been seeing Dan for several months before they removed me. And when Ofelia was 4 to 6 months pregnant, she had broken up with Dan. She sent me a very emotional letter. And in this letter, she said she wasn't sure who the father was and was praying every night that I was the one. My immediate thought was filled with happiness because she said it was going to be a boy. And when the baby was born, with dark skin, she was happy that her prayers were answered. And I fully accepted Damien as my biological son. Shortly after that, Ophelia made up with Dan, and they got married, which made me happy. However, when I revisited the letter in which she said she was crying, exclaiming, “I’m not sure if you are the father.” That’s when I wondered who the other guy was. I just assumed it was Dan, as she never gave a name. And because I questioned who the other guy was? She blew up in furious rage and accused me of denying Damien as my son. And that’s how it all began, and I’ve been accused by Ofelia's entire family for that. And my Kids now think the worst of me that I would dare to deny their brother, and to this day, they believe their mother over their dad. And unlike fathers who would deny their kids and even go as far as to give up their legal rights (termination of parental rights), or even think about doing such a horrific act, I did not. And to this very day, Ofelia refuses to reveal who the other guy in question is, and she denies ever writing that letter to me. To this day, I do not know who that other guy is. With all that said, I strongly believe my kids did not understand that their stepdad was around before I was kicked out of the house. And over the years, when I thought this subject was put to rest. Damien called me one day with his mother beside him. And now, armed with a family tree report, he and his mother felt compelled to prove I was Damien’s father, and they shared the results. They based this on the connection to my Portuguese nationality in their report. Funny, because this whole time, Ofelia never believed that I was Portuguese, and she would call me a liar. Nevertheless, this report not only proves my point that Ofeia had her doubts, but also shows that Damien, with his proud mother by his side, felt the need to put his father in check, which is why he called me. And when he began naming all the people on that family tree report. I was shocked, because I didn't recognise any of the names. My daughter Erica laughed at me when I expressed my concerns, saying, "Dad, it's science," with a 'we got you' attitude. What adorable kids. LOL! And on the note of the list of names, I'm the only one who would know my family on both sides, not my kids or Ofelia. Yet they stood firm with their documents. And then there was the time, after years of many arguments with Ofelia, when I begged her to let Damien live with me, which she also refused. One day, finally, when she could not control Damien in his wild days, who would regularly leave home to hang out with his skateboard friends, sometimes for days. That's when she finally gave him up to me. She did this without giving me any warning when she dropped him off at my home. Finally, I was so happy to have my son, and I even helped him sew all his pants by hand to match the skateboard look and impress his friends, so he could go out that weekend. Unfortunately, he went out, and that was the last I heard from him until many years later, when I got news he was living in the city of Hemet, married with 4 of his biological kids. Surprisingly. I found out his whereabouts through his sister Erica. And when I asked about why she thinks Damien left me, she replied, "He said he didn't want to be a burden," which was a lie to make him look good. Yet, he was willing to burden all his friends in supporting him and his skateboard. And when I got the chance to ask him why he left me, his reply was different from his sister's, which was "I got tired of eating hot dogs". And again, if this were the case, why would he leave his mother for days when he got fed and sheltered at his mother's with three meals a day? Did he also feel he was being burdened by her? And ever since he ran away from living with me, and in his later years, when he had his kids and needed a place to stay. He would refuse all my offers to live with me in Hemet and Trona. No! Instead, he relied on everyone's temporary help, including his mother, wife, girlfriends, and now his sister, who he claims is a drug addict and regularly visits a methadone clinic with her husband. This really shocked me because he told me he refused to expose his kids to an unhealthy environment. Yet, he chose to do the unthinkable and moved in with her. And then he even hurt me when he said he was willing to go to a homeless shelter with his kids. This meant he would rather live at a homeless shelter than with his father. Amazing kid! LOL! BTW! The reason he jumped around from place to place was that he could never keep a steady income to support a sustainable and/or suitable place they could call home. And yet he proudly credits himself with keeping his kids, even though he could never give them any real security. I love my son, but when he chooses to make decisions like living with his mother, friends, or girlfriends over me. Especially when his mother kicked him and his kids out of her house on Christmas day, it confuses me. Just to note, that was just one of many other scenarios throughout the years. I would never do that. And yet my kids continue to be deterred by me, dislike me, as their distance to avoid me proves that. It’s funny! The one day to honor your mother and father. And in my case, that would be Father's Day; I never get that call. Yet their mother does. Cute kids! LOL! And my last phone conversation with my son ended in disrespect. Note: one day he called me; I did not call him, which I was happy to hear, but instead of the usual idle conversation. He felt the need to attack me with his biased politics, which merged into challenging me in every other subject. Until he felt he was the better man, when he gave himself credit and said, "Let's agree to disagree". To this day, I still don't understand why he felt the need to call me to attack me. And when I told his sister what's going on, she also attacked me. She defended her brother's side without giving her dad the benefit of the doubt. And even though I'm used to my daughter defending her brother, friends and her husband over me, it still hurt. And to this very day, he's still upset with me for not going to his graduation when his mother threatened me if I were to attend. And what gets me upset is when I explained that I was in jail for tickets that went warrant. He only heard what he wanted and blamed me for not being there for him. In other words, no matter what, I would say it was never going to remove what was already imprinted in his head that I never loved him. And he continues to dwell on being the victim of a fatherless child. And he even blamed me for his last name, Teggers, which his mother gave him. I had nothing to do with that. She knew my real name, yet she insisted on giving him my pseudo name. LOL! What a joke. Now he goes around proudly using his mother’s maiden name, which he never legally changed. And he brags about his brown skin with his mother’s maiden name. I firmly believe he keeps his distance from me, avoid living with me, or change his last name to my real name and keep his children away from me. I suspect this behaviour stems from his doubt that he might not be my son. But what really hurts me is that he easily dismisses all the times we spent together when he was a kid. And the time I took him to get baptised when he was dealing with his depression. Damien has always been a loner, and now he's all grown up and lives his life his way. And in conclusion, I'm 75 years old and on my way out. And I can honestly say, I never physically abused my kids, or harmed them in any way, or betrayed them, or ignored them when they would call me. I did my part as a father and spoiled them, even though in their eyes, I might not meet their fantasy of a father to their satisfaction. And because of that, I truly believe that in a dysfunctional family like ours, their fantasy of a father is impossible. They wanted me to give all my attention to them and chase after them, while they felt exempt from that obligation to make contact with me. To this day, my kids often feel the need to hold me accountable and engage in petty arguments with me. They do this because they can't find any evidence of physical abuse, betrayal, or unethical behavior on my part towards them. Unfortunately, it was inevitable that my children would always be Ofelia's kids and not mine. It seems they were never meant to be mine, as their behaviour over the years proves. They never honour their father. Despite my efforts, Damien never does anything for me as he does for his mother. He is proud of her, honors her, and loves her. Just to reiterate, when he was living with his mom, she kicked him and his kids out of the house on Christmas Day. There was also the time when Ofelia abandoned all my kids, Damien, Erica, and Gredel, stranding them in South Gate so she could live with Dan in Hemet, and leaving Damien at my place like a stray dog. Over the years, his mother would frequently kick me out of the house, often every month. When my mother was mentally ill and living with us in South Gate, she even kicked her out. She also kicked out her own father when he had nowhere to go. Additionally, she kicked Erica and Sky out of the house, something I could never bring myself to do. Yet, whenever I mention any of these true facts, they think I hate her for simply telling the truth! LOL! What a joke! And I'm the one they avoid. In addition, their Mother never allowed me to spend Christmas Day or my son's birthday with him. Since my children were born, I have never seen their faces as they open the gifts I bought for them on Christmas Day or on their birthdays. Ofelia has stolen all those precious moments for herself. Just like all the photos I took, which she stole from me and refuses to give me a copy. On every Holiday I always had to wait until the following day or the weekend to see them. After all this, Damien proudly praises his mother on social media, showing love, and ignores me in that sentence. I understand that my children were brought up in a dysfunctional family, and their mother has done more harm to them and their kids than I could ever do. This is why I am sharing my side, not only to vent but also to release what I have always been shut down by my so-called loving kids and their amazing mother. And to reiterate! I speak the truth and not hate. And just because I don't like their mother, it doesn't mean I hate her. I say this because I have never had any real feelings for her, emotionally, romantically, or even trust in her. Plus, she is happily married, and I had moved on the day Ofelia and her mother kicked me out of the house. And that was over 50 years ago. If my kids were to spend any real time getting to know their dad, maybe they would understand me, instead of always trying to put me on check with their ignorance and petty arguments. The end.